Photo by Jure Širićfrom PexelsThere's something about the holidays that brings everyone out of hiding. It's as if you run into someone you know wherever you go. You'll run into your childhood best friend's mother in the baking department if you go to the grocery store. When you go Christmas shopping, you'll see your old dog walker in the Lululemon checkout line. Grab a drink with your sister at the corner pub, only to discover that your ex is playing darts with their pals. We anticipate all of these interactions around the holidays, but for some reason, we are virtually never prepared for the final one.
To help you prepare for what may be the most unpleasant and awkward meeting of the holiday season (unless your family debates about politics over the dinner table), we've compiled a list of six things to remember when you run into an ex.
1. Remember the cause for your breakup
Seeing your ex may elicit a wide range of feelings (both positive and negative), so it's easy to get sidetracked by how you're feeling when you see them. But keep one thing in mind: the reason you're no longer together. Whether you broke it up, they did, or it was a joint choice, remembering the reason for your breakup—even if it was unpleasant given the circumstances—will save you from getting caught up in previous grievances or situations that no longer carry any weight.
2. Be kind with yourself if you haven't gotten over it yet
It's OK if you still love them, are still upset at them, or are somewhere in the middle and aren't quite over the split. Moving on from someone you've invested your heart in is difficult and time-consuming, and seeing them doesn't make it any easier. If seeing them causes your heart to sink into your stomach and you panic, take a deep breath and offer yourself some grace. It's normal to feel anxious and emotional after seeing them for the first time in a long time.
3. Remind yourself of the positive things that have occurred after your breakup
Breakups are awful. Trust us, we understand. However, there is usually some good that comes from it. Instead of focusing on the memories you had with them, consider all that has transpired since you split up. Maybe when you had stopped sobbing on your sofa with your bestie, you discovered a new pastime you like, or you committed more attention to your profession and won a fantastic promotion. Here's how we view it: you can either wallow in your past or appreciate your life as it is today.
4. You are not required to impress them
OK, I know we have a whole piece with clothing suggestions for when you could run into your ex, but the purpose isn't to wear something that will give them googley eyes—the point is to feel comfortable and confident if you do run into them. Of course, this extends beyond what you're wearing. Although it's natural to want people to believe you're doing well and looking well, the truth is that what they think of you no longer matters. So don't go out of your way to seem to be the coolest, baddest chick in town—the people who matter in your life already know you are. What about your ex's point of view? What does it matter?
5. Keep interactions brief and to the point (or not at all)
Spoiler alert: If you don't want to speak to them when you see them, you don't have to. We don't advocate, however, pretending you didn't see them when everyone (including them) knows you did. A grin and a wave is an acceptable and courteous method of greeting them without making things awkward. Keep it brief and quick if you do wish to speak to them or if they begin a discussion. Anything beyond that might rekindle old sentiments, disappointments, or arguments, putting a damper on your vacation.
6. It is none of your business what is going on in their lives
I realize it's harsh. But it works both ways. You owe each other no information since you are no longer engaged in each other's daily lives. This includes: whether or not they are dating, how their family is, what they are doing while in town, whether or not they still work at the same job, how their dog is—you get the idea. These information about their (or your) lives that you would have known about each other while you were dating are no longer your concern. That doesn't mean you can't speak about personal matters if you want to, but it also means you don't have to.
